Keeping it real…
For 6 blogs now, I have been trying to find my voice while staying true to the goals of Best Kept Self and to be perfectly honest, it’s been hard.
Before I took on the project (with great enthusiasm I might add), I hadn’t written on an immensely creative level since my college days. We are talking over 20 years ago people!! Writing has always been a love hate relationship for me. Loving the finished product but for the most part dreading the process. And it seemed the harder the phase of life I was in, the harder it was to articulate and express what was in my heart. I have had a lifetime habit of getting in my own way. Suffering needlessly at the hands of my own destructive mental dialogue taking me up some days and down others. And it has only been in the last couple of years that I have chosen to go down a deliberate and conscious road in the hopes of figuring myself out and reinventing myself. It seems to be working. And I think I know this because everything seems less hard and more beautiful.
So why the heck am I even talking about this? Because finding our way, and our unique voice is, I think, the very reason of being. In fact, I kinda think that’s why we are here. And this Best Kept Self Contributor obligation and any other opportunity that comes my way has reminded me of that. I went into this thinking, “Oh, I’ve got this”, but I don’t think I really do and that’s ok. I have this deep burning desire to express a deep, passionate message to the world and in the process, I am figuring out who I am and what my voice sounds like. And I think that’s exactly how it’s supposed to be. I don’t think we can ever walk into a project and think, “yep, this is exactly how it’s going to go,” because we are inevitably going to evolve in the process which is exactly what I am doing now. I think we all are.
I’m not sure about you, but I still don’t know what my truest inner voice sounds or even looks like and I have surrendered to this fact. But I do know that being real, raw and vulnerable feels like me, and I know that my true self will emerge exactly as it’s supposed to over time. It may not be during my time as a contributor for Best Kept Self and it may not even be during my next public talk. But I do know this: every THING that I put my heart and energy in to will have its purpose. To grow, to learn, to evolve. And that feels good and real.